Murphy’s Regulation

Murphy’s Regulation and its progeny
My favorites are O’Toole’s Commentary and the Unspeakable Regulation.
Anyway, these legal guidelines are offered with minimal formatting – simply obtain it and browse at your leisure.

MURPHY'S LAW
    If something can go unsuitable, it's going to.

O'TOOLE'S COMMENTARY
    Murphy was an optimist.

MURPHY'S FIRST COROLLARY
    Nothing is as straightforward because it seems.

MURPHY'S SECOND COROLLARY
    The whole lot takes longer than you suppose.

MURPHY'S THIRD COROLLARY
    If there's a chance of a number of issues
    going unsuitable, the one that can trigger essentially the most
    harm would be the one to go unsuitable.

MURPHY'S FOURTH COROLLARY
    Everytime you got down to do one thing,
    one thing else have to be executed first.

MURPHY'S FIFTH COROLLARY
    Each answer breeds new issues.

MURPHY'S SIXTH COROLLARY
    It's unimaginable to make something
    foolproof as a result of fools are so ingenious.

MURPHY'S SEVENTH COROLLARY
    Nature at all times sides with the hidden flaw.

MURPHY'S EIGHTH COROLLARY
    Left to themselves, issues are likely to go
    from dangerous to worse.

MURPHY'S CONSTANT
    Matter shall be broken in direct proportion
    to its worth.

HILL'S COMMENTARIES ON MURPHY'S LAW
    1.If now we have a lot to lose by having issues go unsuitable,
      take all attainable care.
    2.If now we have nothing to lose, loosen up.
    3.If now we have every part to realize, loosen up.
    4.If it would not matter, it would not matter.

BOLING'S POSTULATE
    In case you're feeling good, don't be concerned.
    you will recover from it.

MURPHY'S LAW OF MULTIPLES
    In case you understand that there are 4 attainable methods wherein a
    process can go unsuitable, and circumvent these, then a fifth method
    will promptly develop.

THE ORDERING PRINCIPLE
    The provides crucial for yesterday's
    work have to be ordered no later then midday tomorrow.

CHISHOLM'S LAW
    When issues simply cannot get any worse, they may.

CHISHOLM'S COMMENTARY
    Anytime issues seem like going higher,
    you've got ignored one thing.

SCOTT'S FIRST LAW
    It doesn't matter what goes unsuitable, it's going to most likely
    look proper.

SCOTT'S SECOND LAW
    When an error has been detected and corrected
    it is going to be discovered to have been right within the first place.

FINAGLE'S FIRST LAW
    If an experiment works, one thing has gone unsuitable

FINAGLE'S SECOND LAW
    It doesn't matter what the anticipated consequence,
    there'll at all times be somebody desperate to
    (a) misread it,
    (b) pretend it, or
    (c) consider it occurred to his personal pet principle.

FINAGLE'S THIRD LAW
    In any assortment of knowledge, the determine most
    clearly right, past all want of checking, is the error.

COROLLARIES
    1. Nobody whom you ask for assistance will see it.
    2. Everybody who stops by with unsought recommendation will see it
       instantly.

FINAGLE'S FOURTH LAW
    As soon as a job is fouled up, something executed to
    enhance it solely makes it worse.

WINGO'S AXIOM
    All Finagle's Legal guidelines could also be bypassed by studying
    the straightforward artwork of doing with out pondering.

SIMON'S LAW
    The whole lot put collectively falls aside in the end.

GUMPERSON'S LAW
    The chance of something taking place is in
    inverse ratio to its desirability.

ISSAWI'S LAWS OF PROGRESS
    The Course of Progress:
      Most issues get steadily worse.
    The Path of Progress:
      A shortcut is the longest distance between two factors.

MURPHY'S LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS
    Issues worsen beneath stress.

THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW
    As quickly as you point out one thing....
      ... if it is good, it goes away.
      ... if it is dangerous, it occurs.

STURGEON'S LAW
    90% of every part is crud.

STOCKMAYER'S THEOREM
    If it seems straightforward, it is powerful.
    If it seems powerful, it is unimaginable.

COMMONER'S SECOND LAW OF ECOLOGY
    Nothing ever goes away.

HOWE'S LAW
    Everybody has a scheme that won't work.

GINSBERG'S THEOREM
    1. You may't win
    2. You may't break even.
    3. You may't even stop the sport.

RUDIN'S LAW
    In crises that drive individuals to decide on amongst
    different programs of motion, most individuals will select the
    worst one attainable.

ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING
    (System Dynamics:)
    When you open a can of worms, the one solution to recan them
    is to make use of a bigger can.

NON-RECIPROCAL LAWS OF EXPECTATIONS
    Unfavourable expectations yield unfavourable outcomes.
    Constructive expectations yield unfavourable outcomes.

HARPER'S MAGAZINE LAW
    You by no means discover an article till
    you change it.

RICHARD'S COMPLIMENTARY RULES OF OWNERSHIP
    1. In case you hold something lengthy sufficient, you'll be able to throw it away.
    2. In case you throw it away, you have to it the following day.

LEWIS' LAW
    Regardless of how lengthy or how laborious you store for an merchandise,
    after you have purchased it, it is going to be on sale someplace cheaper.

PERLSWEIG'S LAW
    Individuals who can least afford to pay hire,
    pay hire. Individuals who can most afford to pay hire, construct up fairness.

McCLAUGHRY'S LAW OF ZONING
    The place zoning just isn't wanted,it's going to
    work completely. The place it's desperately wanted, it's going to at all times
    break down.

FIRST LAW OF BICYCLING
    Regardless of which method you trip, it is
    uphill and towards the wind.

THE AIRPLANE LAW
    When the airplane you might be on is late, the airplane
    you wish to switch to is on time.

GLYME'S FORMULA
    The key of success is sincerity. When you
    can pretend that, you have obtained it made.

FIRST LAW OF BRIDGE
    It is at all times the accomplice's fault.

HARTLEY'S LAW FOR LOVERS
    By no means sleep with anybody crazier
    than your self.

RULE OF FELINE FRUSTRATION
    When your cat has fallen asleep on
    your lap and appears completely content material and cute you'll
    all of the sudden must go to the lavatory.

LIEBERMAN'S LAW
    Everyone lies; however it would not matter since
    no person listens.

BOOB'S LAW
    You at all times discover one thing the final place you look.

WADES EXPLANATION
    As soon as you have discovered it, you stop wanting!

OSBORN'S LAW
    Variables will not; constants aren't.

PUDDER'S LAW
    Something that begins nicely, ends badly,
    Something that begins badly, ends worse.

ILES'S LAW
    There's at all times a better solution to do it.

COROLLARY
    When wanting instantly on the simpler method,
    particularly for lengthy durations, you'll not see it.

LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY
    An object will fall in order to do the
    most harm.

JENNING'S COROLLARY
    The prospect of the bread falling with the
    buttered facet down is instantly proportional to the price of the
    carpet.

SATTINGER'S LAW
    It really works higher should you plug it in.

FIRST LAW OF REVISION
    Info necessitating a change of
    design shall be conveyed to the designer after- and solely after -
    the plans are full. (Usually known as the "Now they inform us!" Regulation).

LAW OF APPLIED CONFUSION
    The piece that the plant forgot to
    ship is the one which helps 75% of the steadiness of the cargo.

    COROLLARY
    Not solely did the plant neglect to ship it, 50% of the time
    they have not even made it.

SECOND LAW OF APPLIED CONFUSION
    Truck  deliveries that usually
    take in the future will take 5 if you find yourself ready for the truck.

JOHNSON'S FIRST LAW
    When any mechanical contrivance fails,
    it's going to achieve this on the most inconvenient attainable time.

LAW OF THE LOST INCH
    In designing any sort of building,
    no general dimension will be totalled accurately after 4:40p.m. Friday

    COROLLARY
    The right complete will change into self-evident at 9:01 a.m.
    on Monday.

LOWERY'S LAW
    If it jams - drive it. If it breaks, it wanted
    changing anyway.

EHRMAN'S COMMENTARY
    1. Issues worsen earlier than they get higher.
    2. Who mentioned issues would get higher?

SHAW'S PRINCIPAL
    Construct a system that even a idiot can use,
    and solely a idiot will wish to use it.

LUBARSKY'S LAW OF CYBERNETIC ENTOMOLOGY
    There's at all times another bug.

ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP
    Any instrument, when dropped,will roll
    into the least accessible nook of the workshop.

LAW OF ANNOYANCE
    When engaged on a challenge, should you put away a
    instrument that you just're sure you are completed with, you have to it
    immediately.

SCHMIDT'S LAW
    In case you mess with a factor lengthy sufficient, it's going to break.

HORNER'S FIVE THUMB POSTULATE
    Expertise varies instantly with
    the tools ruined.

CAHN'S AXIOM
    When all else fails, learn the directions.

ANTHONY'S LAW OF FORCE
    Do not drive it; get a bigger hammer.

MURPHY'S LAW OF RESEARCH
    Sufficient analysis will are likely to help
    your principle.

MAIER"s LAW
    If the information don't conform to the speculation,
    they have to be disposed of.

WILLIAMS AND HOLLAND'S LAW
    If sufficient knowledge is collected, something
    will be confirmed by statistical strategies.

YOUNG'S LAW
    All nice discoveries are made by mistake.

COROLLARY
    The higher the funding, the longer it takes to
    make the error.

RULE OF ACCURACY
    When working towards the answer of a
    drawback, it at all times helps if you understand the reply.

HOARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROBLEMS
    Inside each massive drawback
    is a small drawback struggling to get out.

MR. COOPER'S LAW
    If you don't perceive a selected phrase
    in a chunk of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will
    make good sense with out it.

STEELE'S PHILOSOPHY
    Everyone ought to consider in one thing -
    I consider I am going to have one other drink.

STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION
    It's simpler to get forgiveness
    than permission.

HARRIS' LAMENT
    All the nice ones are taken.

LAWS OF GARDENING
    1. Different individuals's instruments work solely in different individuals's gardens
    2. Fancy gizmos do not work.
    3. If no person makes use of it, there is a cause.

JONES' LAW
    The person who can smile when issues go unsuitable has
    considered somebody he can blame it on.

TRUMAN'S LAW
    In case you can't persuade them, confuse them.

FIRST LAW OF DEBATE
    By no means argue with a idiot - individuals would possibly
    not know the distinction.

WORKER'S DILEMMA
    1. Regardless of how a lot you do, you will by no means do sufficient.
    2. What you do not do is at all times extra necessary than what you do.

SECOND LAW OF COMMITTO-DYNAMICS
    The much less you take pleasure in serving
    on committees, the extra probably you might be to be pressed to take action.

SHANNAHAN'S LAW
    The size of a gathering rises with the sq.
    of the variety of individuals current.

OLD AND KAHN'S LAW
    The effectivity of a committee assembly is
    inversely proportional to the variety of individuals and the time
    spent on deliberations.

RULE OF THE GREAT
    When any individual you drastically admire and respect
    seems to be pondering deep ideas, they're most likely pondering
    about lunch.

MILLER'S LAW
    You may't inform how deep a puddle is till you
    step in it.

WELLINGTON'S LAW OF COMMAND
    The cream rises to the highest.
    So does the scum.

BOREN'S LAWS
    1. When doubtful, mumble.
    2. When in hassle, delegate.
    3. When in cost, ponder.

COLE'S LAW
    Thinly sliced cabbage.

PATTON'S LAW
    An excellent plan at present is healthier than an ideal
    plan tomorrow.

WEINBERG'S FIRST LAW
    Progress is made on alternate fridays.

PAULG'S LAW
    In America, it isn't how a lot an merchandise prices,
    it is how a lot you save.

THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
    Whoever has the gold
    makes the foundations.

WESTHEIMER'S RULE
    To estimate the time it takes to do a job,
    estimate the time you suppose it ought to take, multiply by 2, and
    change the unit of measure to the following highest unit. Thus we
    allocate 2 days for a one-hour job.

PARKINSON'S SECOND LAW
    Expenditures rise to fulfill earnings.

WIKER'S LAW
    Authorities expands to soak up income after which some.

PARKINSON'S LAW OF DELAY
    Delay is the deadliest type of denial.

CHEOP'S LAW
    Nothing ever will get constructed on schedule or
    inside finances.

NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES
    The primary ninety p.c of the duty takes ninety p.c of the
    time, and the final ten p.c takes the opposite ninety p.c.

LEVY'S NINTH LAW
    Solely God could make a random choice.

GRESHAM'S LAW
    Trivial issues are dealt with promptly;
    necessary issues are by no means solved.

THE MURPHY PHILOSOPHY
    Smile ... tomorrow shall be worse.

MARKS' LAW
    A idiot and your cash are quickly companions.

LAW OF INSTITUTIONS
    The opulence of the entrance workplace decor
    varies inversely with the elemental solvency of the agency.

JUHANI'S LAW
    The compromise will at all times be dearer
    than both of the recommendations it's compromising.

JOHN'S COLLATERAL COROLLARY
    In an effort to get a mortgage you could
    first show you do not want it.

REVEREND CHICHESTER'S LAWS
    1. If the climate is extraordinarily dangerous, church attendance shall be down.
    2. If the climate is extraordinarily good, church attendance shall be down.
    3. If the bulletin covers are in brief provide, church attendance
       will exceed all expectations.

MALEK'S LAW
    Any easy concept shall be worded in essentially the most
    difficult method.

O'BRIEN'S PRINCIPAL (THE $357.73 THEORY)
    Auditors at all times reject any expense account with a backside line
    divisible by 5 or 10.

WEILER'S LAW
    Nothing is unimaginable for the person who would not
    must do it himself.

WEINBERG'S SECOND LAW
    If builders constructed buildings the way in which
    programmers wrote applications, then the primary woodpecker that got here
    alongside would destroy civilization.

THEORY OF SELECTIVE SUPERVISION
    The one time within the day that
    you lean again and loosen up is the one time the Boss walks by way of
    the workplace.

BARTH'S DISTINCTION
    There are two forms of individuals: those that
    divide individuals into two sorts, and people who do not.

FIRST LAW OF SOCIO-GENETICS
    Celibacy just isn't hereditary.

MR. COLE'S AXIOM
    The sum of the intelligence on the planet
    is a continuing; the inhabitants is rising.

CANADA BILL JONES' MOTTO
    It is morally unsuitable to permit
    suckers to maintain their cash.

JONES' MOTTO
    Associates come and go, however enemies accumulate.

McCLAUGHRY'S CODICIL ^TO JONES' MOTTO
    To make an enemy, do somebody a favor.

NEWTON'S LITTLE-KNOWN SEVENTH LAW
    A hen within the hand is
    safer than one overhead.

O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN
    Cleanliness is subsequent to unimaginable.

JENKINSON'S LAW
    It will not work.

HAMILTON'S RULE FOR CLEANING GLASSWARE
    The spot you might be
    scrubbing is at all times on the opposite facet.

WALKER'S LAW OF THE HOUSEHOLD
    There's at all times extra soiled
    laundry than clear laundry.

CLIVE'S REBUTTAL TO WALKER'S LAW
    If it is clear, it is not laundry.

SKOFF'S LAW
    A toddler is not going to spill on a grimy ground.

FIRST LAW OF KITCHEN CONFUSION
    In a household recipe you simply
    found in an outdated guide, essentially the most important measurement will
    be illegible.

SECOND LAW OF KITCHEN CONFUSION
    As soon as a dish is fouled up,
    something added to put it aside solely makes it worse.

THIRD LAW OF KITCHEN CONFUSION
    You might be at all times complimented
    on the merchandise which took the least effort to organize.

    EXAMPLE
    In case you make "duck a l'orange" you can be
    complimented on the baked potato.

FOURTH LAW OF KITCHEN CONFUSION
    The one ingredient you make
    a particular journey to the shop to get would be the one your visitor
    is allergic to.

CAPTAIN PENNY'S LAW
    You may idiot all the individuals a few of
    the time, and a few of the individuals all the time, however you'll be able to't
    idiot MOM.

BEIFELD'S PRINCIPLE
    The chance of a younger man assembly
    a fascinating and receptive younger feminine will increase by pyramidal
    development when he's already within the firm of
    (1) a date,
    (2) his spouse,
    (3) a greater wanting and richer male good friend.

LYNCH'S LAW
    When the going will get powerful, all people leaves.

EVANS AND BJORN'S LAW
    It doesn't matter what goes unsuitable, there may be
    at all times any individual who knew it could.

HELLRUNG'S LAW
    In case you wait, it's going to go away.

SHAVELSON'S EXTENSION
    ... having executed its harm.

GRELB'S ADDITION
    If it was dangerous, it's going to be again.

DUCHARME'S PRECEPT
    Alternative at all times knocks on the
    least opportune second.

FLUGG'S LAW
    When it's essential knock on wooden is whenever you notice
    the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl.

LAW OF THE SEARCH
    The primary place to search for something is
    the final place you'll anticipate finding it.

MARYANN'S LAW
    You may at all times discover what you are not in search of.

RUNE'S RULE
    In case you do not care the place you might be, you ain't misplaced.

FURGUSON'S PRECEPT
    A disaster is when you'll be able to't say let's
    neglect the entire thing.

NAESER'S LAW
    You may make it foolproof, however you'll be able to't
    make it damn-foolproof.

IMBESI'S LAW OF THE CONSERVATION OF FILTH
    To ensure that one thing to change into clear, one thing else
    should change into soiled.

FREEMAN'S EXTENSION
    ... however you may get every part soiled
    with out getting something clear.

GROSSMAN'S MISQUOTE OF H.L.MENCKEN
    Advanced issues have
    easy, easy-to-understand unsuitable solutions.

EDELSTEIN'S ADVICE
    Don't fret over what different individuals are
    fascinated by you. They're too busy worrying over what you might be
    fascinated by them.

FIRST LAW OF TRAVEL
    It at all times takes longer to get there than
    to get again.

CAFETERIA LAW
    The merchandise you had your eye on the minute you
    walked in shall be taken by the particular person in entrance of you.

ETORRE'S OBSERVATION
    The opposite line is at all times quicker.

O'BRIEN'S VARIATION ON ETORRE'S OBSERVATION
    In case you change
    traces, the one you simply left will begin to transfer quicker than the
    one you are actually in.

KENTON'S COROLLARY
    Switching again screws up each traces and makes
    all people indignant.

THE QUEUE PRINCIPLE
    The longer you wait in line, the higher
    probability that you're standing within the unsuitable line.

FLUGG'S RULE
    The slowest checker is at all times on the quick-
    check-out lane.

WITTEN'S LAW
    Everytime you lower your fingernails you'll
    discover a want for them an hour later.

THOM'S LAW OF MARITAL BLISS
    The size of a wedding is
    inversely proportional to the quantity spent on the marriage.

MURRAY'S FIRST RULE OF THE ARENA
    Nothing is ever so dangerous
    it might probably't be made worse by firing the coach.

MURRAY'S SECOND RULE OF THE ARENA
    A free agent is something however.

MURRAY'S THIRD RULE OF THE ARENA
    No matter can go to New York will..

KNOX'S PRINCIPAL OF STAR QUALITY
    At any time when a famous person is traded
    to your favourite group, he fades. At any time when your group trades away
    a ineffective no-name, he instantly rises to stardom.

LAVIA'S LAW OF TENNIS
    A mediocre participant will sink to the
    stage of his or her opposition.

THE RULE OF THE RALLY
    The one solution to make up for being
    misplaced is to make file time if you are misplaced.

HUTCHINSON'S LAW
    If a scenario requires undivided consideration,
    it's going to happen concurrently with a compelling distraction.

JONES' LAW OF ZOOS AND MUSEUMS
    Essentially the most fascinating
    specimen is not going to be labeled.

HARRISON'S POSTULATE
    For each motion, there may be an equal
    and reverse criticism.

PERKINS' POSTULATE
    The larger they're, the more durable they hit.

LOFTUS' FIFTH LAW OF MANAGEMENT
    Some individuals handle by the
    guide although they do not know who wrote the guide
    and even what guide.

HECHT'S FOURTH LAW
    There is not any time like the current for
    suspending what you do not wish to do.

PARKINSON'S FIFTH LAW
    If there's a solution to delay an necessary
    determination, the nice paperwork, public or personal, will discover it.

ROGER'S RULE
    Authorization for a challenge shall be granted
    solely when not one of the authorizers will be blamed if the challenge
    fails however when all the authorizers can declare credit score if it
    succeeds.

MOLLISOMN'S BUREAUCRACY HYPOTHESIS
    If an concept can survive
    a bureaucratic evaluation and be applied, it wasn't value doing.

GOURD'S AXIOM
    A gathering is an occasion at which the minutes are
    stored and the hours are misplaced.

WHISTLER'S LAW
    You by no means know who's proper, however you at all times
    know who's in cost.

LOFTUS' THEORY ON PERSONNEL RECRUITMENT
    Distant expertise at all times appears higher then home-developed expertise.

FIRST RULE OF NEGATIVE ANTICIPATION
    You'll save your self
    loads of useless fear should you do not burn your bridges till
    you come to them.

PORKINGHAM'S FIRST LAW OF SPORT FISHING
    The more severe your line
    is tangled, the higher is the fishing round you.

PORKINGHAM'S SECOND LAW OF SPORT FISHING
    The time accessible
    to go fishing shrinks because the fishing season attracts nearer.

PORKINGHAM'S THIRD LAW OF SPORT FISHING
    The least skilled
    fisherman at all times catches the largest fish.
    COROLLARY
    The extra elaborate and dear the tools, the
    higher likelihood of getting to cease on the fish market on the way in which house.

SPENCER'S LAWS OF DATA
    1. Anybody can decide given sufficient information.
    2. An excellent supervisor can decide with out sufficient information.
    3. An ideal supervisor can function in good ignorance.

DREW'S LAW OF PROFESSIONAL PRACTICE
    The consumer who
    pays the least complains essentially the most.

THAL'S LAW
    For each imaginative and prescient, there may be an equal and reverse
    revision.

DINGLE'S LAW
    When any individual drops one thing, all people
    will kick it round as an alternative of choosing it up.

LAW OF PROBABLE DISPERSAL
    No matter hits the fan is not going to
    be evenly distributed.

JOE'S LAW
    The within contact that you've developed at nice
    expense is the primary particular person to be let go in any reorganization.

PFEIFER'S PRINCIPLE
    By no means decide you'll be able to
    get another person to make.

LAW OF RERUNS
    When you've got watched a TV sequence solely as soon as,
    and also you watch it once more, it is going to be a rerun of the identical episode.

KITMAN'S LAW
    Pure drivel tends to drive strange
    drivel off the TV display screen.

SWIPPLE RULE OF ORDER
    He who shouts loudest has the ground.

MATILDA'S LAW OF SUB-COMMITTEE FORMATION
    In case you depart the room, you are elected.

HARDIN'S LAW
    You may by no means do only one factor.

KNAGG'S DERIVATIVE OF MURPHY'S LAW
    The extra difficult and
    grandiose the plan, the higher the possibility of failure.

GROSSMAN'S LEMMA
    Any job value doing was value doing yesterday.

WETHERN'S LAW OF SUSPENDED JUDGEMENT
    Assumption is the mom of all screw-ups.

FIRST WORKSHOP PRINCIPLE
    The one wrench or drill bit you want
    would be the one lacking from the instrument chest.

SECOND WORKSHOP PRINCIPLE
    Most initiatives require three palms.

THIRD WORKSHOP PRINCIPLE
    Leftover nuts by no means match
    leftover bolts.

FOURTH WORKSHOP PRINCIPLE
    The extra rigorously you intend a
    challenge, the extra confusion there may be when one thing goes unsuitable.

JARUK'S SECOND LAW
    If it could be cheaper to purchase a brand new unit,
    the corporate will insist upon repairing the outdated one.

    COROLLARY
    If it could be cheaper to restore the outdated one, the
    firm will insist on the most recent mannequin.

ROBERT'S AXIOM
    Solely errors exist.

BERMAN'S COROLLARY TO ROBERT'S AXIOM
    One man's error is one other
    man's knowledge.

FIFTH LAW OF UNRELIABILITY
    To err is human, however to essentially
    foul issues up requires a pc.

FIRST LAW OF OFFICE MURPHOLOGY
    Necessary letters which include
    no errors will develope errors within the mail.

    COROLLARY
    Corresponding errors will present up within the duplicate
    whereas the boss is studying it.

SECOND LAW OF OFFICE MURPHOLOGY
    Workplace machines which operate
    completely throughout regular enterprise hours will break down whenever you
    return to the workplace at evening to make use of them for private enterprise.

THIRD LAW OF OFFICE MURPHOLOGY
    Machines which have damaged down
    will work completely when the repairman arrives.

FOURTH LAW OF OFFICE MURPHOLOGY
    Envelopes and stamps which
    do not stick whenever you lick them will persist with different issues when
    you do not need them to.

FIFTH LAW OF OFFICE MURPHOLOGY
    Very important papers will show
    their vitality by spontaneously shifting from the place you left them
    to the place you'll be able to't discover them.

SIXTH LAW OF OFFICE MURPHOLOGY
    The final one that stop or
    was fired shall be held answerable for every part that goes
    unsuitable - till the following particular person quits or is fired.

DEVRIES' DILEMMA
    In case you hit two keys on the typewriter, the
    one you do not need hits the paper.

DEAL'S FIRST LAW OF SAILING
    The quantity of wind will differ
    inversely with the quantity and expertise of the individuals you
    tackle board.

DEAL'S SECOND LAW OF SAILING
    Regardless of how sturdy the breeze
    whenever you depart the dock, upon getting reached the furthest level
    from port the wind will die.

SHEDENHELM'S LAW OF BACKPACKING
    All trails have extra uphill
    sections than they've stage or downhill sections.

YEAGER'S LAW
    Washing machines solely break down in the course of the
    wash cycle.

    COROLLARY
    All breakdowns happen on the plumber's day without work.

FINAGLE'S EIGHTH RULE
    Teamwork is important. It permits you
    in charge another person.

MURPHY'S GUIDE TO MODERN SCIENCE
    1. If it is inexperienced or wriggles, it is biology.
    2. If it stinks, it is chemistry.
    3. If it would not work, it is physics.

LERMAN'S LAW OF TECHNOLOGY
    Any technical drawback will be overcome
    given sufficient money and time.

LERMAN'S COROLLARY
    You might be by no means given sufficient time or cash.

THE RULER RULE
    There isn't a such factor as a straight line.

GRELB'S LAW OF ERRORING
    In any sequence of calculations, errors
    are likely to happen on the reverse finish from the top at which you start
    checking for errors.

BREDA'S RULE
    At any occasion, the individuals whose seats are furthest
    from the aisle arrive final.

MICHEHL'S RULE FOR PROSPECTIVE MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS
    The mountain will get steeper as you get nearer.

FROTHINGHAM'S COROLLARY
    The mountain look nearer than it's.

TODD'S FIRST LAW
    All issues being equal, you lose.

    COROLLARY
    All issues being in your favor, you continue to lose.

LAW OF LIFE'S HIGHWAY
    If every part is coming your method,
    you are within the unsuitable lane.

ATHENA'S RULE OF DRIVING COURTESY
    In case you permit somebody to get
    in entrance of you, you each can have the identical vacation spot, and
    the opposite automobile will get the final parking house.

McKEE'S LAW
    If you're not in a rush, the visitors mild
    will flip inexperienced as quickly as your car comes to a whole cease.

DREW'S LAW OF HIGHWAY BIOLOGY
    The primary bug to hit a clear
    windshield lands instantly in entrance of your eyes.

CAMPBELL'S FIRST LAW OF AUTOMOTIVE REPAIR
    If you may get
    to the defective half, you do not have the instrument to get it off.

CAMPBELL'S SECOND LAW OF AUTOMOTIVE REPAIR
    If you may get
    the half off, the elements home can have it back-ordered.

CAMPBELL'S THIRD LAW OF AUTOMOTIVE REPAIR
    If it is in inventory,
    it did not want changing within the first place.

LEMAR'S PARKING POSTULATE
    If you need to park six blocks away,
    you will see that two new parking areas proper in entrance of the constructing.

BROMBERG'S FIRST LAW OF AUTO REPAIR
    When the necessity arises, any
    instrument or object closest to you turns into a hammer.

BROMBERG'S SECOND LAW OF AUTO REPAIR
    Regardless of how minor the
    job, you'll inevitably find yourself lined with grease and motor oil.

FEMO'S LAW OF AUTOMOTIVE ENGINE REPAIRING
    In case you drop one thing, it's going to by no means attain the bottom.

JOHNSON'S THIRD LAW
    In case you miss one situation of any journal,
    it is going to be the difficulty which contained the article, story or
    installment you had been most anxious to learn.

    COROLLARY
    All your pals both missed it, misplaced it,
    or threw it out.

ATWOOD'S FOURTEENTH COROLLARY
    No books are misplaced by lending
    besides these you significantly wished to maintain.

BESS' UNIVERSAL PRINCIPALS
    1. The phone will ring if you find yourself outdoors the door,
       fumbling on your keys.
    2. You'll attain it simply in time to listen to the clicking of the
       caller hanging up.

KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM
    If you dial a unsuitable quantity, you by no means
    get a busy sign.

SHIRLEY'S LAW
    Most individuals deserve one another.

ARTHUR'S FIRST LAW OF LOVE
    Folks to whom you might be attracted
    invariably suppose you remind them of another person.

ARTHUR'S SECOND LAW OF LOVE
    The love letter you lastly obtained
    the braveness to ship shall be delayed within the mail lengthy sufficient for
    you to make a idiot of your self in particular person.

BEDFELLOW'S RULE
    The one who snores will go to sleep first.

GILLENSON'S (de-sexed) LAW OF EXPECTATION
    By no means get excited
    a few blind date due to the way it sounds over the cellphone.

CHEIT'S LAMENT
    In case you assist a good friend in want, he's positive to
    bear in mind you - the following time he is in want.

DENNISTON'S LAW
    Advantage is its personal punishment.

DENNISTON'S COROLLARY
    In case you do one thing proper as soon as, somebody
    will ask you to do it once more.

RUBY'S PRINCIPAL OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
    The chance of
    assembly somebody you understand will increase if you find yourself with somebody
    you do not wish to be seen with.

JACOB'S LAW
    To err is human - in charge it on another person
    is much more human.

ISKE'S TEENAGE COROLLARY TO PARKINSON'S LAW
    The abdomen expands to accommodate the quantity of junk meals accessible.

BANANA PRINCIPLE
    In case you purchase bananas or avocados earlier than they
    are ripe, there will not be any left by the point they're ripe.
    In case you purchase them ripe, they rot earlier than they're eaten.

BRITT'S GREEN THUMB POSTULATE
    The life expectancy of a home
    plant varies inversely with its worth and instantly with its
    ugliness.

BALLANCE'S LAW OF RELIABILITY
    How lengthy a minute is relies upon
    on which facet of the lavatory door you are on.

JONES' FIRST LAW OF TV PROGRAMMING
    The one new present value
    watching shall be canceled.

JONES' SECOND LAW OF TV PROGRAMMING
    If there are solely two
    reveals value watching, they are going to be on on the similar time.

JONES' THIRD LAW OF TV PROGRAMMING
    The present you have been wanting
    ahead to all week shall be preempted.

RUAN'S APPLICATION OF PARKINSON'S LAW
    Possessions improve
    to fill the house accessible for his or her storage.

CORNUELLE'S LAW
    Authority tends to assign jobs to these
    least capable of do them.

ZYMURGY'S LAW OF VOLUNTEER LABOR
    Persons are at all times accessible
    for work prior to now tense.

CONWAY'S LAW
    In any group there'll at all times be one
    one that is aware of what's going on. This particular person have to be fired.

SEIT'S LAW OF HIGHER EDUCATION
    The one course you could take
    to graduate is not going to be supplied throughout your final semester.

FIRST LAW OF CLASS SCHEDULING
    Class schedules are designed
    so that each pupil will waste the utmost time between lessons.

SECOND LAW OF CLASS SCHEDULING
    A pre-requisite for a desired
    course will solely be supplied in the course of the semester following
    the specified course.

FIRST LAW OF APPLIED TERROR
    When reviewing your notes earlier than
    an examination, an important ones shall be illegible.

SECOND LAW OF APPLIED TERROR
    The extra finding out you probably did for
    the examination, the much less positive you might be as to which reply they need.

THIRD LAW OF APPLIED TERROR
    80% of the ultimate examination shall be primarily based
    on the one lecture you missed concerning the one guide you did not learn.

FOURTH LAW OF APPLIED TERROR
    Each teacher assumes that
    you don't have anything else to do besides research for that teacher's
    course.

FIFTH LAW OF APPLIED TERROR
    If you're given an open-book
    examination, you'll neglect the guide.

    COROLLARY
    If you're given a take-home examination, you'll neglect
    the place you reside.

SIXTH LAW OF APPLIED TERROR
    On the finish of the semester you'll
    recall having enrolled in a course at first of the semester
    and by no means attending.

DUGGAN'S LAW OF SCHOLARLY RESEARCH
    Essentially the most helpful citation
    would be the one for which you can't decide the supply.

ROMINGER'S RULES FOR STUDENTS
    1. The extra normal the title of a course, the much less you'll
       study from it.
    2. The extra particular a title is, the much less it is possible for you to to
       apply it later.

WALLACE'S OBSERVATION
    The whole lot is in a state of utter
    dishevelment.

JOHNSON'S SECOND LAW
    If in the midst of a number of months,
    solely three worthwhile social occasions happen, they may all
    fall on the identical night.

TERMAN'S LAW OF INNOVATION
    If you need a monitor group to win
    the excessive leap, you discover one one that can leap seven ft, not
    seven individuals who can leap one foot.

CHURCHILL'S COMMENTARY ON MAN
    Man will sometimes stumble
    over the reality, however more often than not he'll decide himself up
    and proceed on.

FARMER'S CREDO
    Sow your wild oats on Saturday evening -
    then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

MATZ'S MAXIM
    A conclusion is the place the place you get
    uninterested in pondering.

FAGIN'S RULE ON PAST PREDICTIONS
    Hindsight is an actual science.

MERKIN'S MAXIM
    When doubtful, predict that the pattern
    will proceed.

MEYER'S LAW
    It's a easy job to make issues advanced, however
    a fancy job to make them easy.

HLADE'S LAW
    When you've got a troublesome job give it to a lazy
    man, he'll discover a better solution to do it.

MATZ'S RULE REGARDING MEDICATIONS
    A drug is that substance
    which, when injected right into a rat, will produce a scientific report.

COCHRAN'S APHORISM
    Earlier than ordering a check resolve what you
    will do whether it is 1) constructive, or 2) unfavourable. If each solutions are
    the identical, do not do the check.

MOSER'S LAW OF SPECTATOR SPORTS
    Thrilling performs happen solely
    if you are watching the scoreboard or out shopping for a sizzling canine.

MURRAY'S RULE OF FOOTBALL
    The unsuitable quarterback is the one
    that is in there.

MURRAY'S LAW OF HOCKEY
    Hockey is a recreation performed by six
    good gamers and a house group.

GROUND RULE FOR LABORATORY WORKERS
    If you have no idea
    what you might be doing, do it neatly.

LEE'S LAW
    In any dealings with a collective physique of individuals,
    the individuals will at all times be extra cheesy than initially anticipated.

SPENCER'S LAWS OF ACCOUNTABILITY
    1. Trial balances do not.
    2. Working capital would not.
    3. Liquidity tends to expire.
    4. Return on investments will not.

O'BRIEN'S LAW
    Nothing is ever executed for the suitable causes.

WEBWE'S DEFINITION
    An knowledgeable is one who is aware of increasingly more
    about much less and fewer till he is aware of completely every part
    about nothing.

WARREN'S RULE
    To identify the knowledgeable, decide the one who predicts
    the job will take the longest and price essentially the most.

MARS' RULE
    An knowledgeable is anybody from out of city.

GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE
    Something is feasible if you do not know
    what you are speaking about.

YOUNG'S LAW
    All nice discoveries are made by mistake.

LAW OF REVELATION
    The hidden flaw by no means stays hidden.

SODD'S SECOND LAW
    Ultimately, the worst attainable set of
    circumstances is certain to happen.

FIRST PRINCIPLE FOR PATIENTS
    Simply because your physician has
    a reputation on your situation does not imply he is aware of what it's.

SECOND PRINCIPLE FOR PATIENTS
    The extra boring and out-of-date
    the magazines within the ready room, the longer you'll have to
    wait on your scheduled appointment.

THIRD PRINCIPLE FOR PATIENTS
    Solely adults have problem with
    child-proof bottler.

FOURTH PRINCIPLE FOR PATIENTS
    You by no means have the suitable quantity
    of drugs left on the final day ofa prescription.

FIFTH PRINCIPLE FOR PATIENTS
    In case your situation appears to be
    getting higher, it is most likely your physician getting sick.

TELESCO'S FIRST LAW OF NURSING
    All of the IVs are on the
    different finish of the corridor.

TELESCO'S SECOND LAW OF NURSING
    There are two sorts of
    adhesive tape
    the one that will not keep on and the one that will not
    come off.

WORKING COOK'S LAWS
    1. In case you're questioning should you took the meat out to thaw, you did not.
    2. In case you're questioning should you left the espresso pot plugged in,
       you probably did.

WITZLING'S LAW OF PROGENY PERFORMANCE
    Any baby who chatters
    continuous at house will refuse to utter a sound when requested to
    show for a customer.

VAN ROY'S LAW
    An unbreakable toy is helpful for breaking different toys.

FISH'S FIRST LAW OF ANIMAL BEHAVIOR
    The chance of a cat
    consuming its dinner has completely nothing to do with the worth
    of the meals positioned earlier than it.

FISH'S SECOND LAW OF ANIMAL BEHAVIOR
    The chance {that a}
    family pet will elevate a fuss is instantly proportional to the
    quantity and significance of your visitors.

RON'S OBSERVATION ON TEENAGERS
    The pimples do not seem till
    the hour earlier than the date.

JAFFE'S PRECEPT
    There are some issues that are unimaginable
    to know - however it's unimaginable to know which issues these are.

GRAY'S BUS LAW
    A bus will arrive solely when the would-be
    rider has walked to a degree so near the vacation spot that
    it's not worthwhile to board the bus.

LAW OF THE INDIVIDUAL
    No person actually cares or understands
    what anybody else is doing.

PARKER'S LAW
    Magnificence is just pores and skin deep, however ugly goes clear
    to the bone.

THE SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE
    Individuals who love sausage and respect
    the regulation ought to by no means watch both one being made.

THE WATERGATE PRINCIPLE
    authorities corruption is at all times
    reported prior to now tense.

TODD'S FIRST TWO PRINCIPLES
    1. It doesn't matter what they're telling you, they don't seem to be telling you
       the entire fact.
    2. It doesn't matter what they're speaking about, they're taking about cash.

MILES' LAW
    The place you stand is determined by the place you sit.

THE KENNEDY CONSTANT
    Do not get mad - get even.

BERNSTEIN'S PRECEPT
    The radiologists' nationwide flower is the hedge.

FIRST LAW OF PHOTOGRAPHY
    The very best photographs occur instantly
    after the final body is uncovered.

SECOND LAW OF PHOTOGRAPHY
    The very best photographs are typically tried
    by way of the lens cap.

THIRD LAW OF PHOTOGRAPHY
    The very best photographs shall be ruined when
    somebody inadvertently opens the darkroom door.

THE DIALECTICS OF PROGRESS
    Direct motion produces direct response.

THE ARMY AXIOM
    Any order that may be misunderstood has been
    misunderstood.

IMHOFF'S LAW The group of any paperwork may be very a lot
    like a septic tank - the actually huge chunks at all times rise to the highest.

SPARK'S FIRST RULE FOR THE PROJECT MANAGER
    Attempt to look tremendously necessary.

SPARK'S SECOND RULE FOR MANAGERS
    Try to be seen with
    necessary individuals.

SPARK'S THIRD RULE FOR MANAGERS
    Converse with authority; nevertheless,
    solely expound on the plain and confirmed information.

SPARK'S FOURTH RULE FOR MANAGERS
    Do not interact in arguments,
    but when cornered, ask an irrelevant query and lean again with a
    glad grin whereas your opponent tries to determine what is going on
    on - then rapidly change the topic.

SPARK'S FIFTH RULE FOR MANAGERS
    At all times hold the workplace door
    closed. This places guests on the defensive and likewise makes it look
    as if you're at all times in an necessary convention.

JAY'S FIRST LAW OF LEADERSHIP
    Altering issues is central to
    management, and altering them earlier than anybody else is creativeness.

JACQUIN'S POSTULATE ON DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT
    No man's life,
    liberty, or property are protected whereas legislature is in session.

TRISCHMANN'S PARADOX
    A pipe provides a clever man time to suppose
    and a idiot one thing to stay in his mouth.

BUCY'S LAW
    Nothing is ever achieved by an affordable man.

DEDERA'S LAW
    In a three-story constructing served by one elevator,
    9 instances out of ten the elevator automobile shall be on a ground you might be
    not.

THE SNAFU EQUATION
    The item or bit of data most wanted
    would be the one least accessible.

TROUTMANN'S PROGRAMMING POSTULATE #1
    job management playing cards that
    positively can't be organized in improper order shall be.

TROUTMANN'S PROGRAMMING POSTULATE #2
    Profanity is the one
    language all programmers know finest.

PROFESSOR BLOCK'S MOTTO
    Forgive and bear in mind.

GLIB'S LAW OF UNRELIABILITY
    Computer systems are unreliable, however
    people are much more unreliable.

LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE
    You can't efficiently
    decide beforehand which facet of the bread to butter.

HELLER'S LAW
    The primary delusion of administration is that it exists.

JOHNSON'S COROLLARY
    No person actually is aware of what's going on anyplace
    throughout the group.

FREEMAN'S RULE
    Circumstances can drive a generalized incompetent
    to change into competent, at the least in a specialised area.

Mc GOWAN'S CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AXIOM
    If an merchandise is marketed
    as "beneath $50.00", you'll be able to guess it isn't $19.95.

LUPOSCHAINSKY'S HURRY-UP-AND-WAIT PRINCIPLE
    In case you're early, it's going to be cancelled.
    In case you knock your self out to be on time, you'll have to wait.
    In case you're late, you can be too late.

DEHAY'S AXIOM
    Easy jobs at all times get delay as a result of there
    shall be time to do them later.

THUMB'S SECOND POSTULATE
    An easily-understood, workable falsehood
    is extra helpful than a fancy, incomprehensible fact.

EVAN'S LAW
    In case you can hold your head when all about you might be
    shedding theirs, you then simply do not perceive the issue.

MATZ'S WARNING
    Watch out for the doctor who's nice at getting
    out of hassle.

WISE FAN'S LAMENT
    Fools rush in - and get the perfect seats.

THOMAS' LAW
    The one who least needs to play is the one who will win

BROOK'S LAWS OF RETAILING

    Safety is not.
    Administration cannot.
    Sale promotions do not.
    Shopper help would not.
    Employees will not.

FINMAN'S BARGAIN BASEMENT PRINCIPLE
    The one you need is rarely
    the one on sale.

HERSHISER'S FIRST RULE
    Something labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED"
    is not.

HERSHISER'S SECOND RULE
    The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED"
    means the worth went up.

HERSHISER'S THIRD RULE
    The label "ALL NEW","COMPLETELY NEW"
    or "GREAT NEW" means the worth went method up.

HADLEY'S FIRST LAW OF CLOTHING SHOPPING
    In case you prefer it, they
    do not have it in your dimension.

HADLEY'S SECOND LAW OF CLOTHING SHOPPING
    In case you prefer it and its
    in your dimension, it would not match anyway.

HADLEY'S THIRD LAW OF CLOTHING SHOPPING
    In case you prefer it and it
    matches, you'll be able to't afford it.

HADLEY'S FOURTH LAW OF CLOTHING SHOPPING
    In case you prefer it, it matches,
    and you'll afford it, it falls aside the primary time you wash it.

HERBLOCK'S LAW
    If it is good, they discontinue it.

GOLD'S LAW
    If the shoe matches, it is ugly.

BERYL'S LAW
    The "Shopper Report" on the merchandise will come out
    per week after you have made your buy.
COROLLARIES
    1. The one you obtain shall be rated "unacceptable".
    2. The one you virtually purchased shall be rated "finest purchase".

MURPHY'S TENTH COROLLARY
    Mom nature is a bitch.

SINETETO'S FIRST LAW OF CONSUMERISM
    A 60-day guarantee ensures
    that the product will self-destruct on the 61st day.

FIRST RULE OF INTELLIGENT TINKERING
    Save all of the elements.

LEWIS' LAW
    Folks will purchase something that is one to a buyer.

LAW OF GIFTS
    You get essentially the most of what you want the least.

CHISHOLM'S FIRST COROLLARY
    In case you do one thing which you might be
    positive will meet with all people's approval, any individual will not prefer it.

CHICHOLM'S SECOND COROLLARY
    In case you clarify so clearly that no person
    can misunderstand, any individual will.

QUANTUM REVISION OF MURPHY'S LAW
    The whole lot goes unsuitable abruptly.

COOPER'S METALAW
    A proliferation of recent legal guidelines creates a
    proliferation of recent loopholes.

DIGIOVANNI'S LAW
    The variety of legal guidelines will increase to fill
    the publishing house accessible.

THE LAST LAW
    If a number of issues that might have gone unsuitable
    haven't gone unsuitable, it could have been finally useful
    for them to have gone unsuitable.

WADE'S ADVICE
    By no means delay till tomorrow that which you might
    have forgotten about completely.

    

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